Kingdumb Hearts is a comedic video series that uses in-game cutscenes from Kingdom Hearts, entirely dubbed by VampireMeerkat.
The series used to be uploaded on the long defunct "ananas" channel in 2006, which was VampireMeerkat's first Youtube account. The channel got deleted during Youtube's early copyright purge and the videos were never reuploaded again.
There were 4 episodes of roughly 10 minutes long, except the exponentially shorter episode 2. Back then, plans were made to make more, but the series was quickly deemed outdated.
Episodes and overall story
Kingdumb Hearts didn't have much of a script and the lines rarely got a second take.
The general plot was about Michael Jackson going around kidnapping Disney characters, and as Sora had obtained his front door key, it was his destiny to find his house and rescue everyone. Both Sora and Kairi are the only ones who try to follow the original game's storyline by calling out other characters on their behaviour, though Sora is far from "the straight man" in the series.
Some of the dialogue and jokes could be interpreted as offensive in the 21st century. It happened constantly that male, if not adult characters expressed to be interested in Sora and little thought was put into how to change the existing cast. The comedy was typical for a 2006 Youtube production. The cutscenes were mostly unedited as well, which meant the series had the same tempo of storytelling as the original game.
Having that said, a few running jokes were Sora being perceived homosexual, characters commenting on how attractive he is, and Riku entering a new scene with "Surf it up, dudes, like totally random!".
Episode 1
Screenshot from episode 1.
Sora dreams of a voiceless being giving him random gifts, who then taunts him with his supposed romantic interest in Riku. He wakes up discontent and meets up with his two friends, Kairi and Riku. Riku wastes no time to flirt with him, but becomes riled up later that evening when Sora won't compliment his muscles and "funky" hair.
The day ends with the two sharing their favourite pastime: stalking/running after Kairi. The redubbed version of the Simple and Clean intro that plays before the video begins confirms this is what they often do.
Later, a hooded man shows up in Sora's cave and claims to want to kidnap him, but it's obviously Riku putting on an act.
Episode 2
Screenshot from episode 2.
Donald learns Mickey has been kidnapped by Michael Jackson, calling it his just deserts, but Minnie takes it as Mickey having an affair with the man.
She requests Donald and Goofy to get him back and sends Billy Joel (Jiminy Cricket) along with them, since they can't talk properly.
Meanwhile, Baby Tee Island is being taken over by demonic creatures and Kairi has been kidnapped under Riku's watch, who expresses not to really care and instead tries to convey he and Sora are better off being together.
When Sora doesn't reciprocate, he acts like it was a joke and agrees they should go find her, but is then consumed by a dark void. Sora gets a big key for the trouble.
Episode 3
Screenshot from episode 3.
Sora wakes up in Transvestite Town, where he meets up with a man who seems a little too into him. Sora angers him with insults and they fight. He faints after barely winning this battle, and the man and his friend take him to their bedroom, where they both proclaim to want to marry him upon his waking.
Sora is unable to do much about it, until a "Heartless cop" spawns inside and he can finally escape. He then meets the inaudible Donald and Goofy, and Riku shortly after. Riku again tries to swoon Sora, yet refuses to join the team, because Donald and Goofy are "retards" and "he'd rather die".
Episode 4
Screenshot from episode 4.
Sora, Donald, and Goofy head over to Olympus Coliseum Airport and want to go to the next world by plane, but Phil refuses to let a child board by himself and doesn't believe he has money for a ticket anyway. Donald and Goofy are apparently not seen as intelligent adult companions.
Hades shows up to offer a free ticket, then riles up Kenny (Cloud) by saying Sora got to fly for free, unlike him. Kenny agrees to beat him up for the promise of getting his own plane, but instantly loses.
A three-headed dog is then set loose in the airport by Hades, causing all flights to get cancelled and Sora's for good. Outside the airport, Sora asks Kenny why he attacked him, but he bribes him with candy to forget it happened. Sora is happy to accept.
Quotes
Kairi: (To Sora and Riku) "Hm. Maybe you both should get a life."
Kairi: "I mean.. is being gay that funny?"
Hades: (To Cloud/Kenny) "Hm, it seems even the goat doesn't know how they got a ticket, you know what that means: they're illegal, kill them!"
Sora: "Hey Riku, in almost every parody you are gay."
Riku: "Woa dude, that's pretty kinky."
Sora: "But you're not."
Kairi: "He is!"
Riku: "Uhyeah, I'm not - are we going to race now? If I win, I get you, and if I win, you get me."
Sora: "Huehuehue. I don't get it."
Minnie: "Well, why would he have an affair?"
Goofy: *mumbling*
Donald: "Quagquagquag!"
Daisy: "I didn't understand **** of that, but maybe because you don't look like a woman, Minnie."
Minnie: "I have eyelashes. Drop dead."
Riku: "Um. Kairi is a little bit, like, kidnapped. Sad, isn't it?"
Sora: "What you say!? She's my love, let's save her!"
Riku: "Shut up, Sora!"
Sora: "Gaaasp."
Riku: "She's probably killed right now, so it's only you and me..! What's so bad about that, Sora? We're friends..!"
Sora: "Hey Riku, do you know where Kairi is?"
Riku: "Shut up, dude."
Sora: ...
Riku: "Uh, I mean, she's probably already killed, so-uh, we better enjoy ourselves."
Trivia
- The upcoming episode revolved around the Alice in Wonderland level, which would've starred VampireMeerkat's mother as the Queen of Hearts;
- Her lines were all recorded and ready for use.